Crop Top: MakeMeChic // Pants: Shein // Boots: Doc Marten’s
Growing up, I had it drilled into my head about how hard of a life my parents had. Growing up in a country that was still trying to recover from WW2 and then being taken over by the Russians and growing up in communistic Poland. They somehow left Poland (it was hard because they had to apply for Visa’s and my mom was not given one until 3-4 years after my dad) before the wall even came down to make a life and have the American Dream. They told me about how in the beginning it was a struggle. All of the sudden, they are in a new country, they don’t know the language and don’t have money to go to school so they learn from their jobs, or from TV. One of my dad’s first jobs here in the USA was pumping gas. This is how he learned English. My mom worked at a factory (where conditions were terrible), even while she was pregnant with me. She worked up until she couldn’t anymore physically, and then I was born. My parent’s education in Poland didn’t count for anything here in USA, so they had to go back to school again. Growing up, if I would cry my dad would always tell me not to cry and to stay strong. I mean, sometimes you can’t help but cry, especially ugly cries (those are the BEST lol). Now, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing at all. My parents were preparing me for life and the hardships I would face. They were preparing me to be tough as nails.
Fast forward to when I just didn’t give a flying f*** about life and people in general. I learned in a short period of time that you can’t trust anyone but yourself, and in my case, my family. There are things I won’t talk about here on the blog because they are extremely personal, but I will talk about some things. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with epilepsy. That was a life changing moment in my life. All of the sudden I was told that I wasn’t normal, and I never would be. I may not be able to have children because it could be dangerous. I had my driving privileges taken away (and I had just gotten my license a few months prior) until they found a drug that got my epilepsy under control. I hated life. I hated everything. There was barely anything that made me happy, until my parents got me Kuba (the family Maltese) for my 18th birthday.
I continued to attend school, even though my dad sat me down and asked if I really wanted to start college and if I wanted to maybe take a semester off. I chose to live as normal of a life as I could. Throughout college I went through my fair share of extremely toxic relationships. I guess I really knew how to pick ‘em back in college. Then I graduated with my Bachelor’s. It was 2009, and in case anyone forgot, 2008 was when the economy crashed. There was no work for me, and I didn’t have connections. I went back to school for my MBA. When I graduated with that, I couldn’t find work. I decided to pack my things and move to Texas.
Texas was good and bad. I learned a lot about myself. I also adopted Lilly, my puggle. Then I had to come home because of something major that happened with my health. I was lost again. When I came home all of my friends were not there for me when I needed them most. I saw their true colors come out. I guess they only liked me when I was willing to break my back for them, but when it came time to do the same for me, they didn’t. It was at this point in my life that I realized I need to be selfish for once and take care of myself. I needed to find myself again, because I had lost that tough as nails chick, who went after everything she wanted. I was completely broken.
Then, things started to look up in November of 2012. I had gotten a really good job. My friend Dan (who I’ve talked about before, and this blog is dedicated to him) celebrated with me by eating chocolate chip pancakes at a local diner.
Then things took a turn for the worst, my friend Dan had lost his battle to cancer on January 5, 2013.
The only friend that I had that believed in me and went out of his way to cheer me up even though on most days he felt like shit, was no longer there.
It wasn’t until I went to go visit his grave that I perked back up again. I was walking through the cemetery looking for his tombstone and was getting really upset that I couldn’t find it (I couldn’t make it to his funeral due to my new job). Then I tripped. Over nothing. And fell right onto where he was laid to rest. I laughed because I could hear him laughing in my head at me being clumsy and I cried happy tears. I knew that even though he was no longer with me physically, he would be there for me in spirit. To honor his memory, I decided to change my life and think the way he did. He was so optimistic, and never took any second of any day for granted.
I started to excel at my new job and ended up being there for over 5 years. At the end of 2014, I had reconnected with an old friend, and in July 2017 we were engaged. Since we started dating I was reconnected with a lot of our old friends from high school/early college days. Unfortunately, we have lost a few of those friends to heroin. When I say the heroin epidemic is a real thing, I’m not lying. And for people to judge people with an addiction is an argument you do not want to get into with me. You will never know what it feels like, until it happens to you or a family member. A lot of times, your addiction starts at the hands of your doctor, when you are prescribed pain killers.
Why am I telling y’all this?
I wanted to give you hope. I wanted to tell y’all that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but don’t give up. A lot of people have told me that I am one strong person, but it didn’t just come to me. It was something I had to work for. It was something I fought for. Life has thrown many curve balls at me, which made me contemplate ending it all. I didn’t though. I kept fighting. I didn’t pity myself. I got back up on my two feet and said fuck you to the universe and made shit happen. I found that tough as nails chick. I still have my bad days where I just ugly cry, or the days where I’m so filled with anger that I shut down, but I keep going. I’m not a quitter, I must be strong.
Also, as a side note, I received these pants as a review from Shein, and I love them. I was a little worried that they might be too small, or too snug in certain spots, but they fit perfectly. I love that they are a little lose around the waist, because I’m able to wear crop tops and not have to be self conscious about anything bulging out.
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**Please note, I received these pants as a review, however all opinions are my own.
**Please note, this site contains affiliate links.
xoxo Monica
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This is strangely poignant for me this morning. I’ve been searching for my biological dad and I guess thats always a risk. So, this is something I’m telling myself right now. Yes, I have another dent in my armour, but suck it up and move on. I think your parents sound amazing. Considering the traumas they witnessed, how incredible they are – they brought a daughter up like you! Your friend Dan sounds very special and I’m so sorry for your loss. What a legacy you are to this mans friendship. I’m sure your little puggle played an important part in your journey too xx
Oh my goodness, I wish you all the best of luck. That sounds like a very emotional time. I hope that you one day are either able to find him, or be able to come to some kind of peace with this.
Maria, my very best friend of 30 years is heavily involved on genealogy research with a specific focus on assisting adoptees in finding their biological parents. She just connected an 81 year old man with his half siblings. He had been trying to find the connections since he was 26 years old. And she did it for him in 11 months. I encourage you to check out her website and see if maybe she can offer you some guidance that may be helpful…Her website is https://janesgenes.com/ I wish you so much luck on this journey and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
Shelbee
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that more people are communicating with one another today! Thank you for giving that information to Maria!
Thank you so much for your support you lovely ladies. I very nearly made contact, but learnt the situation and felt it only right to back away. Lives move on and I now have a photo and I’m very happy with that xxx
Thanks for sharing all these very personal moments. So glad you have found the strength to keep coming and look where you are now. So amazing! After losing my first husband to cancer with two kids under 7, I struggled but the Lord had other other plans just like He has with you. Love the pants and thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Oh my gosh, I didn’t know that about you. I know it’s a very long time from this moment in your life, but I’m very sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how hard that was for you and your children. I’m so glad to hear that you are doing amazing!
Monica, first of all, you are freaking killing it in this outfit! I absolutely love it from head to toe. Badassery at its best! And second of all, like Maria, I needed this post and the message in it this morning as well. Last night was a very long night inside my head. I wasn’t feel badass or strong at all fighting against my own inner demons. Thank you for reminding me that I am strong.
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
Hey girl, you know you can text me whenever you need me, right? If you ever need someone to just listen I’m just one call/text away. Don’t ever hesitate!
Im loving the boots!!! This makes me want a pair. You have a great story here. We have to go through rain to see the rainbow. Im glad you have gained strenght to keep going. As far as friends? I know what you mean. I learned a long time ago that if I had to work to keep friends, they are not friends. If you want to know how your friends feel about you, just dont text them first and see how long it takes them to text you.
Lisa
Yes, I totally agree! You are so right about the friends part. And thank you, I do have a story, just like everyone else, and it’s definitely true that you have to walk through the rain first.
Great post! I love how your outfit and photos fit what you wrote about so well. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much Amy!
Perfect message today, Monika!! I think all the challenges do make us stronger. Can you imagine not having anything in life to overcome?? What would someone learn from that??
Can we also discuss how perfect those boots are with that outfit?? Totally perfect!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Yes, I so agree! I feel like we need hardships in order to get through life and get stronger. And thank you, I love these boots!
First the fluff…that outfit is off the charts killer! I. Love. It. I’m a huge fan of camo and those pink Doc’s are the perfect blend of badass and girly girl. I can empathize with your entire story. I also have had what one might call a rough life. There are times when giving up would be the easy thing to do, but nothing worth having is ever easy. No disrespect to those who have had it easy, but I think that those of us who have faced the darkness and won are so much more interesting because of it. Keep on keepin’ on with your bad self! xo
Debbie
http://www.fashionfairydust.com
Thank you so much Debbie. These are my favorite Docs! Also, I agree with everything you said. If you face darkness and get to the point where you can get out of it and truly enjoy everything good that comes from it, I do believe it builds character. It makes you feel stronger and accomplished.
Thank you for sharing your story. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for—and I love how your outfit illustrates your badassery!
Cheryl Shops | http://www.cherylshops.net
Yes, I totally agree, and thanks so much!
I love that you share moments in your life that are so personal. It’s easy to connect with you and I love seeing how you’ve grown and how you feel about your life. Keep it up girl!
http://www.mylittlenest.org
Aww, thanks so much Ruth! I started this blog to inspire or help at least one person out there in the world, and if I can do that by sharing my stories, I’m totally ok with it.
You are so brave for sharing a personal side of you that most won’t. Thanks for always being so open with us as your readers. 🙂 Ps. love your outfit and each shot, such a fun location, that’s another things I love about visiting, you always surprise us with fun shoots.
Xx, Nailil
http://thirtyminusone.com/
Aww, thank you so much! I am pretty open about most things. Some things I keep private here on the blog, but I just want people to know that there is someone out there who is always going through something and to get going.
I absolutely love your style…from clothing to being real and open about yourself and life in general. So much of how we live from day to day begins with our mind, doesn’t it? I was told that our thoughts make pathways through our brain, much like a college student makes pathways through the grass on campus. Once a pattern is formed it’s hard to break it and create new ones but it’s possible. I have to remind myself this when I go a negative thinking binge – get back to the path Chrissy! lol. Anyway, you’re beautiful and I know you shared this post to be encouraging, which you accomplished, but I also couldn’t help but wish that I could have been a listening ear in those times! Glad you’re job is going well, I’ll be thinking of Dan today as well as friends I’ve had like him and I’ll be wishing you a fabulous weekend!
Aww, Chrissy, thanks so much! You are such a sweetheart! I did share it to encourage others to just keep going. I honestly wish I had someone there at times, but I know that I am surrounded by amazing people in the present day who I know will be there for me. I thank you so much for your comment. Have a great weekend love!